Praying and Meditating

Today is my day off.  I have an oil change scheduled for our Honda Hybrid this afternoon but other than that, today is free to be what I make of it.  Being an adult is great. 

It’s not good that just as I’m waking up the dread of having to go to work tomorrow is already at the forefront of my mind.  What do I dread?  The schedule that seems to fill my life, the impossibility of ever achieving success, the crappy way my bosses make me feel about myself, the quality that my work is starting to be in my attempt at making the requested quanity, the way things from my to-do list have a way of creeping into my thoughts while I’m there, and what I percieve as the extreme unimportance of what I spend my career doing in the grand scheme of things.

Those are all definitely some great reasons why I’m not happy at work.  I used to like my job though, and I’m trying to dredge up the reasons why from deep wherever they’re hidden within my memories.

The challenge of trying to get everything done was fun.  Trying to see how my customer compliments I could get made me feel great.  My coworkers used to constantly tell me that they thought I was a sweetheart and how amazing my cakes were.  I used to be motivated by the thought of trying to get full time and by trying to get the actual title of cake decorator.  I used to think it was awesome how I loved my workdays as much as my days off. 

I believe that if I try hard enough and ask God for his help that I can love my job again, but then the question becomes what’s next?  Am I going to stay with this company and make a career out of it?  Start something out on my own?  Do something in a completely different field? 

A couple months ago I was very interested in going out into anything else, just as long as anything else was different.  Now I’m thinking slightly different.  The problem isn’t really what I’m doing or who I’m doing it for, it’s the motivation behind doing it.  Or the lack of motivation. 

What causes one to loose their motivation and drive with work?

Whoah.  This article totally explains it. Forbes Demotivational Work Causes

Okay doke.  Quite a bit of blabbing today but I’m actually getting somewhere.  Now I know why I no longer love my job.  So the next step has a either or answer: do I stick with it and learn to love it again or do I start on a new journey?  I’m going to wander off and mull over this question for a grip. 

Mulling done.  I’m going to stick with it.  I’ll remain full time until the end of the year and then go down to part time, cutting either one or two days from my schedule.
That will work for me, I’ll just have to relearn to love my job again.  Where there’s a will there’s a way, right?

At the root of all work causes are our finances.  Ken keeps wandering around his house talking of work to be done on it.  I constantly have thoughts of my own home in my mind.  We both dream of a new home.  I suppose for me, I would need to look into the pros and cons of country or island living.  Or maybe not because even though to both of us country living has more pros, we are simply not in the most reasonable financial position to run off and buy some land. 

My mind switches around a thousand times a week it feels.  I think all this makes sense though.  One more big decision and I’ll go back to grinding away at each day like it’s a stone to be carved.  Webcast to do about my family?  Mom and youngest sister will simply be told I’m selling the house and can’t finance either of their lives.  My younger sis may come live with us for a pre-determined amount of time.  My older sister can have her choice of the money going towards rehab or a community style home for her. 

I’m done here.  God’s given me enough insight to keep stepping along my chosen path until he puts up more signs for the next turn.

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