Persistent Mood Change

Baby steps?  I guess that’s an accurate term to describe my life.  It’s early morning and I’m sitting here struggling to wake up.  I know that the first step in several of the changes I’ve wanted to make are all actually the same: to form a routine. 

I have a routine planned and parts of it I can do.  Other parts need more practice.  I’ll keep on pushing myself until I get this down.  How to strengthen will power?

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I’ve got the first change done, accomplished.  Habit formed.  Now I’m going to take a minute to refocus on the second change: my attitude. 

I was just scrolling through Pinterest wondering what other people focused on attitude improvement were suggesting.  There is a wide variety.  Made me realize that before I can change my attitude completely, I’ve got to fully know what it is I want.

Well what I do not want is my quick temper, lack of motivation, selfishness, the void area where my patience should be, and conceited attitude.

The improvements that I see as being the most important are getting rid of my quick temper, finding out how to be an honestly kinder person, and growing my patience. 

There are tons of great articles about things similar to what I’m hoping to achieve but nothing really on the exact areas or even one’s whole attitude!  I’m really surprised.

I know that the person that I want to grow into is kind, wise, and strong.  Attitude is the base where all these attributes form.  Faith will be the only way to really ever find my way here.  As in, only if I have a strong faith can I blindly trust God towards guiding me into becoming the girl that can change this world. 

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Back to baby steps. 

So I want to stop my temper from flaring so quick and so bright?  Well it’s better than it used to be.  Maybe maturity has helped.  Or maybe the fact that I’ve got the medicine to take away the constant Crohn’s pain that simmered that down. Whatever has made it better, I’m thankful that I don’t have it as bad as my older sister.  She got the worst from my mom (diagnosed bipolar) and my dad (never admitted that he needed any diagnoses…He must have thought flying into rages and stabbing his dashboard was normal…).

A couple new ideas I want to incorporate into my habitual responses are trying to find the humor in every angry situation, taking the time out to go take a break no matter what is going on, and focusing for a hundred seconds on what I’m perceiving with all my senses.  That last trick is because I’ve found it very successful recently to bring me back to the present and because the whole breathing trick really makes me feel so silly that I can’t even.  I just can’t.  The idea of standing there huffing and puffing like a dragon just cracks me up. 

Hopefully this’ll help.  How to humble myself? 

The goal of trying to complete ten good deeds every day made a big difference.  I guess I shouldn’t have stopped that one.  I’ll start that again because apparently I hadn’t formed it into a habit quite yet.  In the same form I can make it a goal to compliment ten people and thank God for everything I’m thankful for each day.

I’ll stop myself with that much for trying to become more humble, sticking to baby steps is somewhat of a challenge within itself.  I want to go all out on change and do the impossible over night.

Okayyy…after trying to information on how to improve my patience I realized that I don’t know an exact definition of patience.  Turns out, it’s about the same thing as controlling my emotions.  Huh.  Well that takes one thing off my list since I can’t exactly change the same thing twice at the same time. 

Hilarious sidenote though.  I was wondering with my co-workers what exactly patience was and we were all struggling to come up with a suitable description of the nounish/verbish thing when one of them stops, shrugs, and says, “A virtue.  Patience is a virtue.”

Ha!

So right now my focus is back on the second change.  My attitude.  I’m gonna slap some persistence on this bad girl attitude and hope it heals.

I’ll include in my routine a few mental extras: completing ten good deeds daily, thanking God for more than just my food, and making it a point to find things in people that they deserve to be complimented on.  I’ll practice controlling my temper (or growing my patience, whichever) through the toolbox of tactics I’ve built -music, journaling, focusing on the present, finding the humor in the situation,etc. 

If I can stick to this routine for just one week, it’ll be longer than I’ve ever held onto one all at once.  I see a lot of grumbling in my future.  The thing that makes me laugh though is that I can do what I thought was impossible and stop smoking cigarettes and yet putting a bunch of simple actions in a logical order and then completing them daily seems just as hard.  Just a week, if I can do a week I’m golden.  If not then I’ll come back and simplify again. 

Okay, one week.  One week.  Just one.  Please God give me strength.  And will power.  Just. One. Week.

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