Changing Nothing

What if a change is a lack of change?  Learning to stop wanting to act like anyone else or act like you think people want you to, change yourself to just stop acting and show yourself.  Everyone’s been told to Be Themselves.  It’s a common motivational theme; be yourself and nobody else, be yourself and don’t pay attention to what others think of you. 

Sure we’ve all heard that and I’m sure that it’s stopped all of us at least for a second and made us pause and think at least once.

It’s funny how this came up in my mind the last couple days since starting a mood journal.  I didn’t stop acting on purpose because I never meant to be acting in the first place.  Since focusing on my mood so intensely though I have realized that I actually spend more of every day acting then being myself.  From trying to keep a straight face around the higher ups at work to trying to fit in around people wherever I go.

Now, I’ve been un-acting for a few days and it’s…different.  I was trying to figure out how to get the happy feeling of my childhood back and it’s actually simple I just didn’t realize that what the difference was was that originally all I had was me not influenced by anything or anyone.   

It’s actually harder than one would think to be yourself.  I’ve read a lot about people discovering themselves yadayada but this is me.  I’m different.  I know that people often take things more seriously than I tend dish them out.  My boss used all the donut icing today and left the empty bucket on the shelf.  Instead of getting mad at him or just going and refilling the bucket, I demanded to know why he hadn’t licked it clean.  That’s me, and if you don’t like my humor then go loosen up.

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