Is it screaming if it’s in my head?

Today was the longest day I can remember.  Surely I’ve had longer, but none come to mind.

Started with a migraine yesterday – still got that run in though!  And the dogs groomed!  And bought the only thing on the menu we need to practice!

But then..I called the clubhouse we reserved for the wedding only to find that no, we aren’t allowed go in early to decorate.  Uh…what?  So we get the keys at eight and everyone is going to be there by ten?!  Meanwhile, I’m going to be getting ready so I can’t decorate!!??

Then today my boss punished me with another impossible workload for asking to have tomorrow off for my bridal shower.  WELL EXCUUUUUSE ME!! 

So yeah.  I’m pissed.  That’s the last straw.  The wedding sucks.  I love Ken but if a wedding is for the bride like Ken keeps insisting (that doesn’t make sense to me, we’re both getting married) then this wedding is a fail.

So what now.  Fake happy? 

I’m so freakin’ upset it’s seriously making me nauseated.  I want to scream and throw stuff and go be alone and cry (hello crazies). 

The stupidest point?  It’s one day.

One.

The marriage is forever but the stupid wedding is one stupid day.  I’m over it.  Holy crap.  I’m over it, I’m over my work treating me like my life is secondary after sales.    I’m over being patient with my younger sisters for no reason, I’m over not knowing if Ken loves me for me our just for a partner.

Still need to plan the wedding. Still need to run and workout.  Still need to work on improving the strength of my faith, especially after today’s proof of weakness. 

I just gotta’ figure out how.

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