If life is like a river, my river is more bipolar than me. It goes from stream to swamp to water fall to rapids to pond to roaring river. You can never even see what’s up beyond the next bend. The shore gives no clues to what is ahead nor leaves any trace of the water you just went through.
Right now is one of the rapid parts; when I’m not banging off rocks and logs, I’m floating quickly along- straight towards a waterfall.
I know what I need to do to fix the mental part: I need to put my trust in God more completely. How? I constantly have doubts. I have a much stronger faith than last year but I still have doubts. I’ve never even had the nerve to voice these doubts because I don’t think that’ll help me overcome them. I so want to overcome them. Is that my problem though?
I mean, come on, look at the problem. Am I doubting because I want scientific proof, because I so desperately want to see my grandma again, or because the devil really is a sly bastard?
In any case, I seriously need to focus on strengthening my faith.