So much.

I got an awesome compliment from my friend yesterday.  He said he’d pay me to be his life coach/organizer.  That surprised me.  So on the outside people see me as stable and organized?  Cool.

Said friend was also pissing me off today because he insisted on venting to me about his financial situation.  Again.  I was over the financial conversations with him years ago and it makes up most of our conversations.  Long story short he has a great living situation, a car that gets him from a to b, enough income to eat and be healthy…yet it’s never enough. 

Of course there’s the other extreme of not caring about your money, and that’s probably worse. 
How can I help this friend?

Reading the daily bible verse on my phone this morning struck me as particularly important to this particular situation:
Matthew 6:14-1514 For if you forgive men when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. 15But if you do not forgive men their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins. 

So first things first I guess I need to realize that being pissed at him won’t help either of us.  I see that what he is lacking is motivation, self discipline, and the desire to be open minded. 

I’m thinking if I can push him in the direction of one change after another, I can both help him and maintain our friendship.  He’s always been there for me so I don’t want to ditch him when he seems to be getting stuck in the path.

Anyhow I’m getting so far off course it’s not funny.  The point was, I feel so busy and unorganized that I’m absolutely amazed that anyone sees me as being in control of my life. 

I keep going back to how that one day of sitting and thinking and then applying Change Sixteen changed everything for me at work.  Really, everything.  It’s taken me from being miserable and hating my job back to where I was that first year at Publix.

If it’s that easy to change my job, why is it so hard to change any area of my life outside of that?

Even more confusing, am I already changing my life outside of work?  I’ve definitely taken steps.  I’m definitely not the person I was a year ago, even more different from who I was 2 years ago, and almost unrecognizable from the person I was just 3 years ago.  Not in the physical sense, sure I dye my hair and replace clothes as clothes wear out but anyone from junior high would still know me right away.  The change this time only really refers to the mental change. 
Okay.  So.  What exactly is my problem one might ask?  After all I’ve got a home I own, 3 awesome cars to share with Ken and my sisters, awesome pets, a great family, a cool job, I’m bipolar but the meds work, and I have Crohn’s disease but it’s not acting up right now.  Not to mention my fiance whom I can’t imagine even getting into an argument with.  So what is the issue?

The issue is life is getting in the way of life.  I want to live healthy, have a social life, have a clean house with happy pets, be able to work on self education and hobbies, and work full time.  All at once thank you.  On and all those things like planning this wedding, going through my dad’s things, or trying to help Ken unbachelorize his house, well I’d like to do them too.  I love my sleep, so it’s a high priority that I get seven or eight hours at least every night.  Oh and the most important is setting aside the time for praying, church, and studying the word.  That’s just the ideal stuff I would like to have the time for. 

Layed out like that my personal list seems as physically impossible to get done as my work one was until I changed that around.  I wonder if it’s possible in some way to arrange my personal life along that style.  It doesn’t appear so considering the question of what would happen to all those things that are a lower priority that I don’t get to?

Wow.  Like I’m not surprised I can’t even get through writing a post without life altering events occurring…turns out making the wedding early in the morning to get it done with and start the honey moon was yet another opinion I had on our wedding that Ken took as unimportant.  That’s about the last straw on that one.  I just want to get the damn wedding over.  I feel like I’m just an event planner/escort in this.  Then my best friend texts me.  He took his cat to the pound because she all of a sudden went batshit insane and started attacking everybody and everything.  He asked a few weeks ago what to do and I explained that something must be wrong.  Take her to the vet.  Or we’ll take her.  Or if it’s that serious take her to my sister’s, that’s only half a mile away!  No dude no you can’t toss a cat off to be put down!  Do I even know this guy?  You’re supposed to know your best friend!

I suddenly feel so alone.


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