It’s crazy how your mood can shift from one minute to the next.

One minute I’m congratulating myself on a great week and the next I’m all shit my head hurts and I’m dizzy.  I spent too much money this week.  I’m horrible with money, the only way I go is down.  How am I going to take care of my house taxes?  What if they take my house?  I didn’t plan out healthy enough groceries for this week.  How did I think my house was perfect?  It’s so cluttered?  Homey?  This is too small for this many things.  Who am I to want to change the world?  I can’t even get myself prepared to start that mission.  Damn, how come my boss never gives me Sundays off for church?  Do I even really want to go to church?  Am I a bad person because my faith isn’t strong?  What if there isn’t heaven – oh my gosh I miss my grandma, there has to be a heaven!

This goes on and on and on and on until finally I attempt to pull myself out of it by going on Pinterest (I love Pinterest!) and typing in ‘get motivated’.  Found the best thing ever, a quote suggesting that you look at the person you are going to be one year from now.

I have all these problems and perceived failures but the only way I plan on going from where I am right now is forward.

Let’s see.  In one year I want to be fit.  I want to be strong and energetic and eating in a healthy way that works well with my Crohn’s Disease.

In one year I want to say that I’ve had this great new attitude for a year!  It’s been one week already, so only 51 more to go!

In one year I want to be a GREAT cake decorator.  Right now I just feel sufficient.  Oh don’t get me wrong I love my job as a cake decorator at Publix BUT I feel like I am far from having every cake be satisfactory and I feel that my skill level is only about half of what it could be.

In one year I want to be on a good financial plan that works for me and that I don’t mess up every single day like the lack of one I have now.  I feel like this area is my biggest failure.  I am terrified at losing the house my dad left me.  It depresses me that starting with a blank slate as a child the only thing I’ve managed to do is grow my debt every year.  I don’t even see how I managed to do that to myself.

Also in one year I want to be able to speak spanish well and have Bella trained sufficiently to pass the test for becoming a therapy dog. It would be great to be able to communicate with the other half of America and be able to take Bella into nursing homes to cheer up lonely and bored elders.

Most of these things I don’t even know where to begin, and I didn’t realize that until I was typing this.  I guess I can’t exactly make changes if I don’t even know where to start.  Der.

This is amazing, I feel better!  That was some damn good advice to look ahead.

I’m still really bummed about not being able to see anything but blur since my last contact died and my health insurance doesn’t work down here in Key West to get more.  But hey.  Maybe I’ll look into that laser thing so that this will never happen again.

I’m going off to see how much I can get started on my day off of work today.  Wish me motivation and luck.


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